In making crucial life decisions, I don't think it's necessary for you to be absolutely sure that you're doing what you really want. You just have to be sure that you would stand by your choice no matter what the outcome, and you will not end up quitting in the middle of everything.
It's like falling in love. Before the fall, there's always the choice to take the plunge. Gravity takes charge thereafter. You don't know where you'll end up and there's no looking back or moving backward, but you take the crucial step anyway. So ultimately, it was still a choice. A choice to fall, a choice to embrace the unknown and the unstoppable.
In Medicine, we find ways to calculate risks, to estimate probabilities, to quantify prognosis. But in life, we take our chances. Damn if we do, damn if we don't. There's no such thing as Evidence-Based Living, no such thing as Logic-Based Living either. Sometimes, we just wait, let things unfold, and then take it from there.
I had my interviews for Cardiology fellowship this morning. Some people who knew I was a serious advocate for the generalist, all ready to go home to the province immediately after my residency, were surprised to see me there. Well, I also can't figure out why I chose this too!
The inevitable question came. "Why CVS?"
Still baffled, I simply replied, "Unfinished business."
(yeah, go figure. i insist the business is research. yikes!)