Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Musings From Home

Rediscovering the ones I got to keep. Old friends from the eventful years of adolescence and early adulthood. Evolution is good.

I’m in a pensive mood lately. The mental and physical lull that the holidays have afforded me created a void in my brain that I initially resisted but eventually learned to appreciate. This time, I’m getting used to the slow and steady pace of country life, the long hours of idling around with a cup of tea in my hand, enjoying the cold breeze under mango trees, with the occasional droning of tricycles on the background. After the initial stage of resistance, I came to realize that despite my identity crisis and acquired taste for the city life, in the end, I still love it here.

I still believe that the reason why I suddenly changed my mind and chose to spend the next three years staying in the big city is valid. I called that reason “unfinished business”. That general term encompasses both its literal and metaphorical implications, including the rational and the staid, the banal and the sappy, the vital and the comical.

These days, however, after retracing back a few steps into where I came from, and discovering that some old prayers are still unfolding, and that some treasured people from the old days are still around and have even evolved to become much better, I can’t help but wonder about the real nature of my unfinished business.

What if my unfinished business is not in the big city, but right here? After all, I’m always a small town girl who still dreams to live in a farm. Years of living in the city have never and will never change that. Why do I have this strange feeling that whatever I’m looking for is just waiting for me all the while? Whatever this means, I hope it will still be around when I come back. Someday I will come back, to complete that unfinished business that I have postponed far too long. I hope it will still be around until then, when I will finally be brave enough to stay home.

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