Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wanted: Idealist

After doing an inventory of all the men I've been crazy about (loosely defined as "look up to", "emulate", "addicted to", "swoon for", "live for", "die for"), I realize that they have one thing in common. Weirdness? Oh yes, if you know me you'd immediately conclude that I have this strange attraction for weird people. Eccentrics, unpredictables, odd ones, outliers of the bell-shaped curve. But that's not my point. I think what really draws me to someone is what makes them weird. I finally figured it out. I think it's this: idealism.

Idealism comes in different forms and degrees. Some call it conviction, some call it passion, some are strict enough to limit it to nationalism, some would even define it as apathy (because they don't care about the world as long as they know they're doing the right thing), some would simply define their state as solitude. I have developed the habit of classifying my idealist fancies into three: the Radical Idealist, the Practical Idealist, and the Resigned Idealist. Regardless of classification, I love all of them.

My list of suspects is not too long. Being an idealist myself, I have selected my subjects very carefully using really stringent inclusion criteria. Besides, there are not too many of them around these days.

I know that looking for idealism these days is mission impossible. I've crossed out many of the names in my list: my own dad, those who are already too old, the ones who are already happily married and are too old too. There are still very few available prospects. But I can only moon about them. The reason why I have them on my list is the very same reason why I can't keep them for myself.

I will still maintain the list. Some days I'll add some names, and cross out some, and add some more. Some days I'll just moon around and pray. There's another classification of the idealist that I deliberately missed out - the most dangerous almost fanatical type. And this is where I belong: the Hoping Idealist. Idealism and Hope, that's a hopeless combination.

Which is probably why I'm still a quirky alone, and will happily remain this way until my idealist finds me ideal enough for himself.

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