photo from croatianworld.netI’m gaining weight. I can feel my pants getting tighter and I feel heavier. This can’t be blamed on the increased water retention brought about by pre-menstrual syndrome. This is supposed to be the diuretic stage of my menstrual cycle, the time of the month when I’m supposed to weigh the least. But today, I’m doomed. My tummy is sticking out a mile. This is real and I’m panicking.
It’s not that I’m not used to this. I’ve always been big for as long as I can remember. Not the pear-shaped type obese, but just big: big arms, big legs, big hands, big feet. While other obese women can still be called voluptuous, that’s impossible for my case. Nature deliberately missed out on compensatory mechanisms – my boobs and my ass are as flat as the board your keyboard is resting on. This is the curse of the XL, my type of XL – a BMI of 25+ with an A cup size.
It seems that my weight is the greatest indicator of my happiness level - it is inversely proportional to my degree of self-satisfaction. I don’t eat when I’m excited. I don’t eat when I go to lovely places, when something exciting is happening, or when I’m with people whose company I’m enjoying so much. These past few weeks, I’m rapidly regaining all the inches I lost during my Visayas stint. Something terrible is going on. Something wonderful is missing.
The scales don’t lie. And the inches are corroborating evidence. It’s time for me to cut down on junk food and do some exercise. I have to go on a strict diet and adhere to a regular fitness regimen.
Something tells me all this self-encouragement will never work anyway. It’s not the chocolates. It’s the reason why I keep craving for those chocolates. That’s the more difficult part.
I have to be on top of this. I have to bring my groove back. Tomorrow.
It’s not that I’m not used to this. I’ve always been big for as long as I can remember. Not the pear-shaped type obese, but just big: big arms, big legs, big hands, big feet. While other obese women can still be called voluptuous, that’s impossible for my case. Nature deliberately missed out on compensatory mechanisms – my boobs and my ass are as flat as the board your keyboard is resting on. This is the curse of the XL, my type of XL – a BMI of 25+ with an A cup size.
It seems that my weight is the greatest indicator of my happiness level - it is inversely proportional to my degree of self-satisfaction. I don’t eat when I’m excited. I don’t eat when I go to lovely places, when something exciting is happening, or when I’m with people whose company I’m enjoying so much. These past few weeks, I’m rapidly regaining all the inches I lost during my Visayas stint. Something terrible is going on. Something wonderful is missing.
The scales don’t lie. And the inches are corroborating evidence. It’s time for me to cut down on junk food and do some exercise. I have to go on a strict diet and adhere to a regular fitness regimen.
Something tells me all this self-encouragement will never work anyway. It’s not the chocolates. It’s the reason why I keep craving for those chocolates. That’s the more difficult part.
I have to be on top of this. I have to bring my groove back. Tomorrow.
4 comments:
girl, i miss junk food. :P and boobs and an ass aren't all they're cut out to be. *LOL*
that being said - you're lucky that your problem areas are easy to shrink. as a friend of mine said, you can't argue with genetics - and my genetics insist on arguing with me from the excess rolls of fat on my torso that just refuse to melt off despite the *gasp* 90 crunches and varied abs exercises i punish them with everytime i go to the gym.
if i didn't have PCOS, i'd wallow in the chocolate, i promise you.
Hey jean!
Stumbled on your blog when pats posted it on multiply. Very interesting read - sometimes I feel like I want to blog na rin kaso my life is not as exciting as yours, or claire's. Baka monthly lang ako makapag-post.
Keep in touch. Sidney
sir sidney! how are you? hope your practice is doing well. no life is boring sir. it's what we make of it. =)
see you around po!
I'm just around jean. Whenever you need someone to help you consume whatever food you have - I'm nearby to cheer YOU on.
Hehehehehe.
Seriously, I'm just across the street. Pass by your office one of these days.
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