Sunday, March 7, 2010

Depression Stage

In Kubler-Ross' Stages of Death and Dying, depression stage is probably the longest, most disgusting of all.

This is the time when you go to bed hoping tomorrow you're already dead, and when you wake up, you hate the sunlight simply because you feel it. You try to seek solace in your Bible, in your conversations with your God - that same entity that brought you so much hope and joy right before the tides turned. You try to run until your thighs hurt and you're out of breath, in an attempt to release endorphins, but you only feel pain, nothing else. You stand in the middle of a busy highway when the light is green, hoping some stupid driver will step on his pedals and crush you to death because you're dead anyway, but they just scream foul curses at you. You try to talk to your friends, hoping that some intelligent conversation might erase some bad memories off your mind, or momentary episodes of laughter will make you forget. What is there to forget?

The worst kind of human pain is that which we sustain during our most optimistic moments. It is during these times, when the worst part of being alive is knowing every moment that you still are.

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