When one is endorphin-empty as I am today, one walks around with a glassy look in her eyes and an unsteady gait, with hair uncombed, wearing the most unsightly clothes and the ugliest of shoes. Indeed, this is my lowest point. Too low that several people, in a fit of sincere sympathy, asked me today "Jean, post-duty ka ba?" Grrrr, I went on duty 2 nights ago! And yes, I did change clothes! And I took a bath, OK?
What I need is a haircut! I need a whiff of genuine fresh provincial briny breeze. I need a 30-minute run along Roxas Boulevard. I need a full 24-hour fast to rid myself of all the poison I've eaten! I need a long in-depth conversation with a kindred soul. I need a bottle of beer drank by the beach. I need to sing a song with my dad. I need to lay on grass staring at the stars. I need something to bring the old me back.
Yesterday, a patient's daughter asked, "Doc, lagyan na natin ng pacemaker si nanay." And I said, "Sige, kayo bahala. Basta may P500,000 na kayo." Said without any emotion or empathy at all.
Today, an old classmate met me to discuss a business proposal. I didn't even allow him to finish. I cut him short, "Whatever this is all about, my answer is 'no'. I'm not going to have anything to do with this." Unsmiling, and with no grace or tact at all.
I guess I just snapped.
A sour mood is never an excuse for rudeness. I've been guilty again. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.