Thursday, December 1, 2011

Maginoo Pero Medyo...

Maginoo, pero medyo lang. I'm changing my requirements for an ideal guy. After countless encounters with those tall, mysterious, smart, courteous, men-you-can-bring-home-to-daddy types, I'm giving up. Wala pa rin naman kasing nangyayari. Despite all the batting of eyelashes, the flicking of the hair, the exposing of the neck, the constant flashing of my trying-hard toothpaste-commercial smiles, he still doesn't fall for my trap. Kulang pa rin.

Bakit? Smart naman ako? And di naman ako pangit (sabi nung tricycle driver kanina). And for crying out loud, sinubukan ko namang maging malandi. True, kulang pa siguro ang efforts ko. Nung tumitig sya sa mga mata ko, napapatingin ako palayo. Masyado kasing intense. Di ko kaya, nakakalunod. One time pa, this really cute guy I met out-of-town brought me home to my hotel. We were both drunk. I meant drunk enough to lose some inhibitions but not drunk enough to lose interest in, ehem, you know. When we were saying goodbye, he stepped a bit closer and my manang-signals suddenly screeched and turned awry. All I did was grimly pat his back and say, "Thanks for the great time, (pare)." Putcha! Ang loser!!! When he walked away, I was like, whaaattthe!!!

Nakakaloka. Ayan tuloy. Because of all my whining and all my bitching about my inner manang and my eternal singlehood, sabi nung co-fellow ko frigid daw ako. Pwe!!! Frigid, grrrr. Di naman yata. Frigid ba ako? I looked up the word in the dictionary and ang meaning pala nun ay "unresponsive and inhibited" in carnal matters. Uhhmmm, talaga? Leche namang buhay 'to, oo. What am I supposed to do then? Kung may nabibiling perfume na may mga pheromones, bibilhin ko na yun at gagawin kong pampaligo. Siguro kelangan ko ng sign sa noo ko saying "NOT FRIGID!". Hmmmm, kukuha ako ng account sa eharmony, sa match.com, or sa filipinocupid.com, or sa adultfriendfinder. Baka may mabingwit akong foreigner na mayaman na aggressive. Masubukan nga.

Ayoko na ng mga shy. Ayoko na ng masyadong seryoso, kahit yung may sense of humor pero masyado namang gentleman, ayoko na rin. Of course, OK naman kung mabait. Pero mas OK yata yung medyo may angas rin. Yung di nahihiyang humingi ng goodnight kiss. Yung mga gumagamit ng mga korning pick-up lines paminsan-minsan. Yung mapapailing ka na lang dahil sa sobrang kapreskohan.

Ang hirap naman kasi kung ang lalaki ay masyadong mabait. Ikaw pa ang kelangan mag-effort. Kulang na lang, sabihin mo out loud, "Hey kuya, pwede mo akong hawakan." Hmp! Di ako demure, pero ayoko naman sabihin yun. Syempre, kelangan may konti pa ring kahinhinan.
Sabi nga nila, people put up walls so they will know who will be strong enough to break them. Sige, next time, I'll make my walls really really low, made of kawayan instead of concrete.

Hay naku. Baka kelangan mag-enroll sa personality class. Or magpalagay ng silicone sa boobs, or magpalagay ng pwet, or magpa-lipo. Or magbasa ng sangkatutak na mga libro on seduction. Or lumipat na lang sa Saudi. Sabi kasi sa news, dun daw ang may pinakamataas na male to female ratio. Di ba the more entries you send, the more chances of winning? Or magpa-change na lang kaya ako ng kasarian. Kung lalaki ako, baka may mahuli pa akong sing-gwapo ni Piolo.

Sabi ng mga friends ko, kelangan ko lang daw kasi is "to put myself out there". Eto na. I'm already out here. Last ditch attempt. Pushed against the wall na. Eggs under fire, nearing expiration date. I'm putting it in writing. Kelangan ko ng lalaki. Kahit hindi gwapo, basta marunong mag-spelling at di jejemon mag-text. Kahit di matalino pero nagbabasa naman ng konti ng libro. Kahit di marunong kumanta basta kilala ang Beatles. Basta ba lalaki. Kahit walang abs, kahit malakas mag-extra rice. Basta lang di nanlalalaki.

Desperada na ba? Ah basta, sana dumating ka na, kuya! And remember, OK kung maginoo ka, pero mas OK rin kung medyo lang.




11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought this was funny =) But here's the thing - when I was in grad school, I had an MBA class on negotiations and for training, we used to have simulated negotiations (we had cue cards on what we want out of deal which the other person does not know. It was good simulation exercise to prep us for corporate work). Anyway, one time, I was paired with a guy and I won big time over him (I got more points than he did). Later, we were required to "post mortem" the deal and analyze how the counterpart saw our negotiating tactics/strategy. My partner asked how I was able to beat him and I told him, "It was easy to beat you on this deal. You were too desperate to make a deal." He stood ashen faced for a while and said, "Is that how I seem to you? I never thought of myself that way.... Maybe that's why I never get to have a girl go out on a date..." We laughed. After that semester, everytime we'd see each other, we'd kinda laugh at our secret joke. Anyway, long story. But my point is - perhaps, the key to your problem is maybe you seem too desperate and too transparent. I think there's something unattractive about desperate people. There's something attractive about cool and confident people. Just a thought. And sorry if this is long. I enjoyed reading your entry. You're so honest, I almost like you were my buddy or something =)

Anonymous said...

sorry, here's a rewrite of that last sentence
I almost felt like you were my buddy or something

Walking on Water said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for appreciating my honesty. You see, you need not worry about my being too desperate and transparent. That desperate woman exists only in this blog. The real person is a strong-willed, independent, smart lady (enough to be labeled frigid) who has men as really great friends and nothing less than that. I will remember your advise though, just in case in the future, desperation will win over good sense. :-)

Jean

will said...

ahahhahahahhaa i was laughing throughout the entry ahahahahha!

HTGOF said...

Hahahahaha maam jean! Just be yourself. If you're frigid, then by all means be frigid! So youll get a guy who can get through ms frigid. Otherwise, youll attract a lot of guys... But the WRONG guys (for you). Yes, thats from my personal experience so it might also be... Really bad advice haha.

Lawstude said...

wow. this has got to be the most personal post i have read in your blog. kakatuwa talaga. :) your inner and outer beauty shines through.

Walking on Water said...

@HTGOF: IKR! But sometimes, tatanggapin ko na yung quantity over quality. Haha. If only my actions could match my words. :-)

@Lawstude: Thanks. I like my travel posts more. They're less uhhmmm, desperate. Hehe

aggie said...

lol@kawayan walls. :D
is this you jean?
parang hindi ikaw.
parang nagkukunwari lang na ikaw.
parang fiction 'to. na kahit na anong isulat mo, no matter how "desperada" you make yourself to be, you're still that "strong-willed, independent, smart lady" ;)

Reena said...

hahahahaha. ang saya basahin ng post na ito. tawang-tawa ako sa "sabi ng tricycle driver kanina." anyway, someone told me "to get out there too" before pero masyadong naging pilit eh and it ended soon lang din. just take your time. bakit ka nga ba nagmamadali? we have a lifetime to find the right one. :)

franz said...

I dont really know you. but you're hilarious. HAHAHA. your blog needs more... publicity, exposure... mas maraming masasayang tao kung ganun.

agnes dominique said...

NALOKA AKO DITO!!! so funny!!! this is how my galpals and i talk, saya di ba?!

eto thought lang, from one sister to another [based on endless hours of girl overthinking and overanalyzing] : guys appreciate vulnerability, yun bang they feel that we need them, that they can be the hero, that they can make us laugh and teach us a thing or two. I know that you are a smart, accomplished, independent, confident woman, just make sure lang that it's not to a point na the guy feels he has nothing left to give you or teach you coz you know it all, you can handle it all. A strong, independent SINGLE woman might respond to this with: "but if he can't handle my strength/confidence/smarts, then sorry sya, i deserve better." That's true, but let's not rub in their faces too early in the getting to know you stage. Yes, the RIGHT guy will love you for your smarts/confidence/competence/strength, but he will want to protect you too, and it helps to show vulnerability =)

just my two cents worth [and i speak from experience, coz i almost turned away the right guy by being too strong/confident/know-it-all during the courtship phase. but since he's the right one for me, now those very qualities are what he appreciates most.]

Good luck on the search and the journey, sister!

p.s. agree, mas enjoy maging boyfriend/husband ang may angas at medyo may...