Last weekend I was here, forcing myself to read a paperback
novel about hell. Today, in an attempt to distract myself from my perennial
lack of company, I decided to escape from the rest of the world by staying in a
mall. Yes, it’s true that we can sometimes be alone in a crowded place and
think more clearly where there is noise. The steady drone of people’s voices
and their occasional ripples of laughter make an effective music for meditation,
though meditation isn’t exactly what I’m doing now. I’m escaping. I’m running
away. I’m hiding from the rest of the world, from all the noise and
trivialities of daily existence. In a mall. Yes, this is such the perfect place
to hide – in a place with bright lights and happy people while I’m sitting
alone in a corner sipping coffee, pretending to be aloof and without care for
company. Well, what else is new? This isn’t really much of a surprise, isn’t
it?
Tonight I’m in this swanky coffee shop in downtown GenSan,
wasting money on a tad too expensive vanilla latte, trying to squeeze my desiccated
brain for words and ideas that have persistently eluded me for so long and
assemble them into a fairly decent and reasonably interesting article for my
blog. It’s been months since I wrote
one. And the last one I wrote was about loneliness and singlehood and getting
old – boring and clichéd material. However, considering that my 34th
birthday is just around the corner and whether I like it or not, loneliness is
staring me right in the face and even giving me a dirty finger taunting me like
a bully, it looks like I will be discussing the same nasty but boring topics
yet again.
Well, maybe if I keep on staying here, every Saturday night
and every Tuesday night, at right about the same time, in right about the same
corner, maybe some nerdy solitude-seeking man will bother to sit with me and join
me for a while. Maybe. Who knows? Stuff
from movies do happen in real life, albeit very rarely. Like that line from
that coffee commercial. Let’s sit and talk awhile. All that crap. Maybe that
could still happen if I stick around this place long enough.
I’ve stuck around long enough. Or maybe not yet. How long am
I supposed to wait? I’m not a very
patient woman. Or maybe I’m a very patient woman, but I’ve been patient long
enough.
Stop. There I go again. I'm again rambling about loneliness and singlehood and getting old. It's boring. I'm boring. I should
stop and smell the coffee.
