Flipped

Because of the wise suggestion of BOTD, I invoked the powers of piracy, downloaded the movie Flipped, and shamelessly cried several times over it like some stupid high school kid. This movie, another Rob Reiner masterpiece, is about two small-town children, the girl's waxing and waning obsession over her boy neighbor, and the boy's efforts to dodge her. Cute. In the end, it was all about a sycamore tree.

Now I want my own sycamore tree too.

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If my life is one movie with a voice-over, this part of my life will be called the inventory part - that part where the main actress (me) is staring out the window with some nice music playing on the background and the narrator making a list of the wicked things men did to me. And since my life is one comedy romantic (or lack of it) movie, this part has to be full of good humor and wit, characteristic of those Rob Reiner and Cameron Crowe films that I adore.

Let me cite a few examples of these hilarious incidents. I'll limit these interactions to conversations in text messages (that means the real conversations can be funnier, geeez!). Bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan, deadma! To whom this may concern, as if binabasa 'nyo ito! Hmp! Just remember this is fiction. Just fiction, ok? (Uuuy, defensive!)

Here goes...

Incident #1.

Him: Hi Jean. Wanna have lunch?

Me (smiling while texting): Sure. :-) Why?

Him: Well, I'm hungry and I figured you're hungry too.

(nyaaay, sweet!)

Incident #2.

Him: Hey, are you free for dinner later?

Me (kilig again): Sure, but I'm still finishing rounds.

Him: OK, next time.

(huh?!?)

Incident #3.

Him: Happy birthday, Jean!

Me (kilig again): Wow, you remembered! Thanks. :-)

Him: It's my secretary's birthday and her name's Jean too.

(Oh, ok...)

Incident #4. (after an awesome day)

Me (feeling a bit flirty): Hey, thanks for coming over. I had one rare perfect day.:-)

Him: Yeah, great weather.

(Aaawww! WTF!#$!)

Incident #5. (after 6 months of no communication)

Him: Beer?

(Putcha pare, OK ka ah!)

Incident #6.

Him: Hi Jean. Do you have time for breakfast tomorrow?

Me (blushing and excited): Sure. Ano meron?;-)

Him: Wala lang. Just breakfast.

(Oo nga naman!)

And the list can go on and on. The funny thing is, I like it! Whoever the scriptwriter is, he's awfully good! I wouldn't want to change these asshole remarks into anything a bit sweeter and sappier. For boy bloggers reading this, however, just a word of caution before you use these on other women: this may not work for everyone. You might get slapped or dumped right there and then. Unfortunately for me, they work like magic. Sigh. I've flipped.

More on Mr. Endagered Species

I therefore conclude that Mr. Endangered Species must be a dragon. He's elusive, terrifying, stuff for legends, and very very rare (endangered na nga e!). Legions of folks spend their lives following their tracks, only to be disappointed, or even killed in the process. Some find him, momentarily, but he breathes fire out his nostrils, leaving the beholder charred and broken and disfigured forever.

I'm a dragon hunter myself. It's not an easy plight but oh well, I'd rather have that dragon. There were months when I've learned to live in peace and plenty, with no apparent trauma from Mr. Dragon, and then all of sudden, just when National Geographic declared dragons extinct, you find your old friend-slash-nemesis swoop down from the sky like a nasty Nazgul, setting fire to everything you've built.

Then one day, I finally managed to gather enough guts and gumption to face my dragon and tell him, without batting an eyelash, "Darn, Your Royal Weirdness. You may be endangered but you know what? You are such an ass." Ah, the royal fire-breathing ass. I feel like a knight wielding a spear to poor endangered beast's heart. I'm the great Eowyn who felled the dreaded Nazgul, hahaha, congratulate me.

Dragon got up, felt nothing, went back to Mordor to hide in the fires of Mt. Doom. And I'm, oh well, I'm still around poring over dragon fossils, and my long tedious dragon-hunting story is still ongoing, like a sappy Pinoy telenovela that refuses to end. Sigh, I have to concede. There is yet to be a "To be continued". Aaaargh.